I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
