tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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