Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
