I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
