how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
