Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize