These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
