Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have already put on my inside pants.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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