My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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