Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
