I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
