so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
