need another drink. this is the easiest way
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
