But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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