i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My vagina just recognized that song.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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