I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
