It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
