You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
either way he was missing a nipple.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
