i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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