There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
