I just pynch a tree in the face
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
