Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
