Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
