he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
