answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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