I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I party with great urgency now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
