I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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