I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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