I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
