i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
