Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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