We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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