omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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