I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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