Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
