Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
