You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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