We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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