it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
