hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
