I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize