Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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