You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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