so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
