he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
