Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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