You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
