They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
