I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
