hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
