I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
