the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
