i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
