The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
