I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
