I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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