my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
