whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
is it fun? or sober?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
