I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
