We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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