And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
