dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
