Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
