i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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