my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
