There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
