How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
