Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
