he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
