would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
where are my eyebrows?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
