You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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