she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
