im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize