I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
